Why Squirrels Do Not Write Romance Novels (or Blogs About Their Sex Lives)

Who did he think he was, so proud and arrogant. Leaping from branch to branch like he owned the forest. Well, she'd show him. She could be cold and distant too.

And yet, how strong and powerful his hind legs were. How sleek his bushy, red tail. If only he weren't so cold. He shared his nuts with her, it was true, but didn't he do it out of pride and pity??

She needed to know. She dashed across the branch and down to the meeting place. There he was. He wheeled. She froze. "Chip?" "Chip chip... chrrr." His oft-proud eyes went soft and limpid. She was so close that she could see every whisker on his muzzle. "Chrrr," he had said. Chrrr??? Did he mean it? Could it be true?

He scampered close, a glint in his dark-brown eye. He leaned in to nuzzle her smooth cheek. And then... And then...

[ahem][forest sounds]