Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Aunt Frieda is Driving Me Crazy

I almost peed myself last night reading my sister's version of the current Aunt Frieda furor. I don't know if it translates as funny outside the family, but it sure worked for me.

Aunt Frieda got this idea in her head to write a 'user's manual' for all the stuff that she owns - mainly three junkie cars from the 70s, a few small pieces of land in a province where 'if the hail or drought doesn't get it, the grasshoppers sure will' (or genetically modified wheat from the next field will blow in and start some sort of lawsuit), and about six houses in our home town that are so run down that no one will rent them. This 'user manual' is a six-page letter that she sent to me and my sister, and it says things like 'Rent the Weezie house for $300 a month, or $500 a month if there are two working men living in it'. These instructions are meant to help us if Aunt Frieda dies or becomes unable to care for her possessions herself.

Now let's think about me for a minute. I work full-time, live 4 hours away from Frieda, have a baby, have a car that is not road-worthy, and am doing home renovations. My sister is following her woodworking dream in Ontario, 3,000 miles away, and cannot pop in for the weekend to help. Does Frieda really think that I am capable of taking on her stuff and maintaining work-life balance? Yes, I think she does.

My sister, wise beyond her years, counselled me to be silent (Sorry Beans, I seem to need to learn it my own way), but I thought that I should tell Frieda as respectfully as I can, that this isn't on. I then foolishly went further and asked her to consider getting rid of one empty house per year, in order to make things easier for me later on. Not to do it, just to CONSIDER doing it.

Now she says that I am being 'unhelpful' and that I am 'trying to control her'. I should have seen this coming. Now I'm just ducking her while she's still in town; if she goes home and forgets about it for a while maybe we won't have to have this conversation again for a year or so (until the next user manual gets published).



Blogger Eileen said...

You need a BIG gin n' tonic. Moving 3,000 miles away would also be beneficial...heh.

6:08 pm  
Blogger Eileen said...

Y'know it's pointless to argue with A.F. - I'm sure even God doesn't. In fact, she could have given us the edited version of the Meat Aisle Miracle. He probably said something like, "You wanna buy a roast? Buy a freaking roast, for the love of Me. BUY A ROAST."

7:21 pm  

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