My Aunt Frieda - Pyromaniac

My Aunt Frieda is a pyromaniac.

When we were kids, whenever she would have a fire in the backyard - at least weekly - someone would see flames reflected off the garage, screetch to a halt in their car on the street, and come tearing around the corner of the house to help put out the fire. Her fires were that big. That is, until the Town of Leader passed a bylaw prohibiting open fires within town limits (to address directly the recurring fires chez Frieda). Aunt Frieda still has melted patio lights hanging out back, if you don't believe me.

Last year there was a fire ban on in Saskatchewan because it was so dry, but that didn't stop Aunt Frieda from having a bonfire at the Homestead (Grandma's old house). The Homestead is on the edge of a town with 16 houses, and so, of course the bonfire turned into a grassfire, heading first for everyone else's house and then heading for the bush... Aunt Frieda goes into a panic and clears all the drunks out of the bar to help her put out the blaze, after calling the Fire Department. At the end of it all? Fire out, thanks to the drunks. Fire Truck arrives from 30 miles away. Fire Dept. charges Aunt Frieda $700 for calling them out to a fire she started herself during a fire ban. Aunt Frieda enraged for being fined. Aunt Frieda concludes, "Well! Next time I have a fire, I'm not calling no fire truck!"

That's my Aunt Frieda.